Posted by: Leigh Reynolds | October 25, 2015

“Be strong and courageous…”

It’s Sunday morning and I’m sitting in the pre-K classroom at church. Wil’s ‘buddy’ was sick today, so I’m helping out. He’s not loving that, truth be told. Been pushing his boundaries a bit with mom this week, in therapy and now here. 

My first instinct isn’t to love this either, truth be told. I love church. I need that reset each Sunday. I am beyond thankful for the many volunteers that help him each week so I can worship. I enjoy my small group and get so much out of it. 

He just couldn’t handle the group today – running around during snack, avoiding group activities he usually does well in. He’s kind of a mess; had a mini-meltdown during snack so we left and came back to the quiet classroom. 

I thought about just taking him on home. I mean, what’s the point? He can play by himself at home. 

Then I looked up and saw the Bible verse for this month hanging on the wall: 

  “Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid… For the Lord, your God goes with you.” Deuteronomy 31:6

Then I thought about how Wil paid total attention during the video story of Daniel in the lion’s den.  
  
Then Cindy came back and brought him the painting craft all the kiddos were doing, so he could do it too, just in a quiet room.

He is not alone.  

Then I thought about how brave Wil is every day. He walks through a world where every noise is just as loud as the next, yet pushes through to focus and hear us. He struggles to talk, make friends, yet tries to connect in his own way and is so happy when another kid will play alongside him, even though he may never answer them. He is wicked smart, yet so often people assume he is mentally deficient because of his lack of conversational language. He is a shining star in a square peg world and he doesn’t fit the checkbox. But he shows up every day smiling. If he can be that brave, the who the hell am I to give up on this Sunday morning?

Give up today and the next time it is easier to do so. Give up today and he sees me give in. Expect less if him. No way. 

Sometimes I hate it when I think people can see me struggling with him. Like I’m failing if I don’t have it together every day. How selfish. It’s not about me. I think today was hard on me, but I have no idea how it was for him. Especially once he could feel me getting tense. 

So Wil played, and I got my head on straight. He heard the music, his friends playing, Pastor Sara praying and we both just worshiped in a different way today. I quietly thank God for this amazing gift – being Wil’s mom. I ask Him for forgiveness for forgetting He goes with me. And Wil and I both work on being a little more strong and courageous as we find our way together. 

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